SARA ALMADANI

Remember the good old days when people used to hang out on an occasion like a birthday for example? This era has come to an end. Now, it’s either you get a tweet, a wall post, or a SMS wishing you a happy birthday. It is pretty clear where I’m going with this… social networking is slowly killing communication skills.  You could be sitting in the same room with someone and suddenly pull out your phone and start texting the person who is sitting right in front of you, instead of directly talking to him.

Social networking has helped the society in so many ways, that is something I would not deny… on the other hand, it has also messed up so many things on so many levels. I was walking in an exhibition last week when I overheard two girls talking to each other; one of them must have said a joke when the other so confidently replied by saying “lol”. No. She didn’t actually laugh out loud; she said the phrase “lol”. This is where it hit me; not only communication skills are dying by the minute and especially with the current generation, social networking is also killing the emotional communication amongst people. So many people would find it easier to text the closest people to them instead of actually talking to them.

If you look back at time, you’d hear from your parents and grandparents how young people had a way to communicate. Communicating is not only putting a sentence together and throwing it on someone; it has more to it than that. It is the way a sentence is formed, the tone of your voice when you’re speaking to a person, the perfect choice of words. This has gone down the drain nowadays. I bet that most of you can’t even have a face-to-face conversation with a friend or a colleague without being distracted by your phone. It’s always “something” whether it’s an email, a twitter or a Facebook notification, a text, taking a picture and uploading it on Instagram, checking-in different places using foursquare, etc. (about that, whatever happened to privacy? – it feels like a free ticket for people to stalk you.)

Social networking has helped in many factors of our lives, it has connected us to people we never thought we’d hear from again, made it easier for organizations to follow up with their customers, brought the world closer together in a way or another… until it is excessively used and you don’t know where the limit is, that’s when ladies and gentlemen your communication and emotional skills shall rest in peace. 

تواجهني مواقف عديده يوميا مما تجعلني ان أطير بخيالي إلى البعيد ماذا لو لم تكون قلوب البشر ملجأ للحقد و الكراهيه و الاستحقار؟

نسمع أخبار تحزننا عن حالة وفاة شخص. نحزن و نحسن أعمالنا ليوم ان لم تكون لساعات معدودة و نعود الى ما كنا. فكيف بنا ان نعلم من الراحل التالي؟

الشمس تغيب و تشرق مجددا.. أما البشر؟ ان غبنا كرامتنا لا تسمح لنا بالعودة.. و هذا هو ما توصلنا اليه للأسف.

القمر و الشمس كلاهما في سماء واحد.. أما نحن؟ ان حصلنا على شيء باستطاعته إفادة الكثيرون، نحتفظ بالشيء لأنفسنا فقط. فلماذا نساعد؟

السماء تمطر لترزقنا.. أما نحن؟ ان رزقنا، أصبحنا نبخل و لا نساعد المحتاج إلا إذا كان وراءه أيدي تصفق لمساعدتنا لهم أو خبر يكتب في الصحف.

العصافير تطير مع ان خالقها عظيم. أما نحن؟ ان شعرنا أننا نملك القوه و السيطره، نحبط كل من يحاول النهوض. فهم فقط عاملين لدينا لا غير.

لن نعرف معنى السعادة ان لم نمر بأحزان، و لن نقدر الشخص المخلص ان لم نلتقي بأشخاص خبيثين. وهكذا هي الدنيا.. نقع في أخطاء، نتعلم و نتجنبها في المستقبل.  

الشيء الذي يحزن أحيانا هو اننا لا نقدر الشيء إلا بعد ان نخسره.. و معظم الأحيان ان خسرنا الشيء لا يعود مجددا.

نسمع الناس دائما تقول بأن الدنيا تنتهي و العمل لا ينتهي.. و حين يأتي وقت تطبيق هذا القول على حياتنا.. نفشل. لأنها خارج عن سيطرتنا.

نقول دائما ان الموت قد يكون الحل في إحدى المواقف الشديده و ننسى أن الله لا يحمل عباده أكثر من طاقتهم. فقوي إيمانك بربك و تخطى الموقف.

“Teaching emotions”, I’m sure you guys are thinking if we have reached a point where we should be ‘taught’ about emotions and feelings? The answer is sadly yes. The reason why this is happening is because cross culture has become one of the main things in our lives. Whether it was with me, you, your family, your kids, or anyone else in this world. Globalization is in process, therefore cross-cultural issues and the factors that come with it are essential.

Cultures differ and based on that people of each culture decide or categorize certain feelings as being “normal” or “abnormal”. An example on that is when we see a man crying… very few cultures out there accept this action while by many other cultures it is frowned upon and considered weird. Forgetting that men are also humans. On the other hand, we normally find it “normal” if a girl or a woman cries almost every day on the stupidest things… whether it was a nail breaking, a ring scratched, or even a lost phone.

I will move now to the topic that I’ve wanted to concentrate on in specific, which is teaching emotions to children. Children are usually found very confused about their feelings; they don’t know if they should feel hurt, if they should feel embarrassed… what is even worse is that they don’t know if it’s OKAY for them to feel those feelings or not. This is where “Teaching Emotions” introduces itself.

I’ve learned about this topic in a one of the most interesting courses I’ve studied which is “Education Systems In The World”. In this course, I have conducted a research about different educations systems in the world… and luckily I’ve stumbled on a very interesting topic, which is the education system in Singapore.

Singapore has started recently teaching emotions to kids in school, in Key Stage 1 and 2… schools are obliged to offer the subject “Emotions” just like any other subject in their curriculum. The reason why this decision has been taken is because they have conducted a study themselves, and found out that most kids go through psychological issues when growing up because of bottling up their feelings or denying certain feelings. Why? Because they are also caught up in the myth of “normal”. If a girl fell down, hurt herself, and cried… parents might say “It’s okay, it will be fine... Don’t worry” and would most probably spend the rest of the day spoiling her. On the other hand, a reaction a boy would get in that case would most probably be “why are you crying? You’re a man! Men don’t cry.” Sadly, this is true… and sadly, this is being witness everyday in front of us; not knowing how negatively this will be affecting those children in the future and ruin their childhood.

Emotions are taught to kids because we tell them that they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling… we are telling kids that because that’s what we were told. In a way or another, it’s a pattern that we are falling into, where feelings and thoughts shouldn’t be shared unless they’re normal… but then again, what is normal?

6,840,507,000 people in the world, can you imagine how many different perspectives can result from those people? Whether it was based on psychological thoughts, morals, beliefs, or any other aspect of a person’s life. 

To clear things up, I’m going to base this on a very simple example. Numbers… As vague as numbers can be, they also can’t be defined or labeled. People react to certain numbers differently. Some might consider a number a “favorite” one, some might consider it as a “lucky” one and some might just analyze their choice in a broader way. 

 Personally, since I was a kid the number that was always my favorite was “7”, the reason why I chose this number to be my favorite was because as a kid… I used to always count the heads in the house, and once I reached “… five, six, seven” this innocent smile would rip across my face knowing that my whole family are surrounding me at this point. I took it in a way that number “7” is the number that makes me happy, the number that completes the missing puzzles, and since then it is considered as my lucky number. Now, based on personal experiences and personal beliefs… the number “27” also has a different analogy to it in my head. I relate the terms “professional”, “independent”, “definite”, “confident” to it. This will open up a door that I’d rather keep shut for now. 

 One of my very close friends looks at the number “8” as a sign of infinity and eternity. An architect might see it as a symbol of abstract, while a mathematician would see it as a square root of 64.  Every person is different, there can never be another me, another you, or another of  any person from the 6,840,507,000. In a way or another, we’re all needles in a haystack.

*semi-inspired by Shamma 

As 2011 is coming to an end, followed by another 2000; this time, 12. The number that was dramatized by almost every factor of our lives. Media, people, associations, and so much more...

In a conversation with a close friend we were discussing the idea of how before 12 years, 2000 was the year everyone anticipated. The year where we expected aliens to invade and cars to fly, well... we're almost there if we're being completely fair. "People sought 2012 to be the one to remember, I guess we don't really know it all.. do we?" - M

No, we don't. I honestly believe that we're the ones who decide if we want the year to be memorable or not; with our actions, our mentalities, and our decisions. Look back at 2011, starting from the beginning until today, what is it that you did that you find memorable? That step you wanted to take since forever, is it taken yet? That flaw that you always wanted to manage, is it managed yet? That friend you always wanted to resolve issues with, well.. are they resolved?

These are the questions that should be asked amongst ourselves, and in case the answer was no; that is where you decide if you want to go on and waste another year of nothing, or make a change and start over?

The media starts by making movies about how this year will be different, songs are released, and books are written. But at the end of the day, it's us who decide what changes should be done and what shouldn't be done. 

For those of you who have took the step and started, GREAT! For those of you who got it wrong this year, who feel the need to curse the year for all the bad luck and all the bad decisions, why not look at in a different direction and start praising the coming year instead? We hear this all the time "New year, new you!" 

I realize that my post is filled with question marks. One of the reasons behind it is that I don't want to be the person telling you what to do or what you should do. For one, I know that if someone does NOT want to do something then no one and nothing will them do it. 

Just so this wouldn't turn into a cliché new year blog post, I'll end it by thanking everyone who drew a smile on my face this year, everyone who was once there for me, everyone who believed in me and supported me through my decisions. For those who were the exact opposite, I'd also like to thank you, you're the reason behind the challenges I set for myself and have successfully accomplished!

Last but not least... thank you 2011, you may take a bow!

I’m going to start my thoughts with the title itself, have you ever stopped and thought about who is the “King” of what is normal and what is not? Who is that person that entitles us to certain feelings about certain situations? The person who holds us down from certain emotions that God forbid we might feel? 

I was engaged in a conversation a few days ago, when a friend of mine said, “I don’t cry in public, because then people might think that I am weak.” Another person replied back by saying “So what? What if people thought you are weak?”

That’s when I started to think of how hard humans are on themselves, acting like they’re tough, faking feelings, hiding emotions; just that people wouldn’t know that we are “weak”. That taboo word that we live our lives trying to not let it stick to us. I’m not saying that every single situation deserves Niagara Falls; I just strongly believe that many people get into the habit of not showing emotions, hiding feelings, which in the future might lead to worse psychological issues. The fact that people don’t want to deal with their emotions because they have the mentality that they would settle for “weak” if they did.

I honestly think of being “normal” as a myth. People drown themselves in the myth of normal just to please others around them, not thinking about what is REALLY exciting about being normal? Sticks you to a stereotype that everyone else is entitled to by God knows who, hides your uniqueness, and not to mention a very predictable-boring life.

The main question is, do you want to hide who you are? Or unleash yourself to others?  There are many things we need to face once we decide to unleash the true us. Firstly, the fact that some people WILL be judgmental of you given that they’re stuck in the myth of “Normal”. Secondly, is basically to accept your flaws. Everyone has flows, sadly speaking most of us don’t know that our flaws are what makes us who we are, they are the things that most of the time people miss us for when we are not around.

Normal changes over time, let us rewind 20 years back, would it be normal for women to have the same rights as men? No. Let us rewind a few years back if 20 years is too far long, would it be normal for people to walk around and smoke indoors? Yes. Is it normal now? No. Not only that it isn’t normal, it’s illegal!

I guess this normal myth we’re all drowned in is not stable to begin with. Then why should we make it a priority in our lives?

One thing that I’ve learned in life is that when you do something good, no one remembers; and if one thing goes bad, everyone searches and waits for that moment where they could talk about it and spread out the word to the rest. Whether it was the national team losing, a bad customer service, or even a hospital that mistreated their patients.

Let’s take a moment and rewind 5 years back, when the UAE team won the final match of the Gulf Cup. I vividly remember how everyone was happy, everyone cheered, even those who didn’t have a slight idea about what football is.  Now, let’s rewind a few weeks ago when the UAE team lost the Asian World Cup Qualifiers? Now notice the difference between how people reacted in both situations. Anyway, This is an example used on how people would praise you for something good for a very short period of time, but on the other hand they would also beat you up with your failure for a very long period of time. This is something that we could never change, but we could avoid giving them a reason to do so.

Going back to the main point, which is the healthcare in the UAE. Looking at the hospitals, the systems, the buildings, or even the equipments; the UAE has come very far. Yet, so many people still choose to go overseas when it comes to serious health related situations, whether they choose to go to the States, Far East Europe, or any other spot in the world. The first thing you hear from a person who’s concerned about his health is “I think I’m going to travel as soon as I can to have a full checkup.”

Could we take the time, stop, and think why that is? As I said earlier, we managed to have the best buildings, latest equipments; the doctors here are all well trained with a certificate from some of the best med schools in the world. But no, the reason behind the mistrust people have towards our healthcare isn’t because all of this, it’s because of one thing that people fail to realize it until today. Which is the lack of focusing on the management part of the hospital. Whether it was a school, a nursery, a business, or the main thing we’re talking about which are hospitals; if the base of it all, the management isn’t there. Then what is everything else relying on? What is everything else based on? A lot of people might not agree to this, and to be honest 2 years ago, if someone gave me this and asked me to agree with it. I wouldn’t as well. For one specific reason that is the fact that I don’t know how important a management is to a hospital and the difference that it would make.

A lot of the developed countries have realized this issue and that is one of the main reasons why today, they have decided to let hospital management education focuses on health care management as an independent factor that is intergraded with medical doctors who decided to be in management.

Today, the UAE has also found a way to make this factor a main one and it is also treated as in independent major for the sake of a better healthcare tomorrow.

* This blog post is inspired by my father, a man who managed to make a difference in the “management” of the healthcare field.

Once upon a time, in a far away “Happy Land” lived people who have gotten away from the make believe land called “Negative Land” where all the evil thoughts and those who produce them lived in. Somewhere in between, there were those who stayed in “Reality Land” which were the wisest of them all. Those who still believed that they could be happy but experienced and wise enough to know that things could sometimes go wrong.

I’m sure most of you think that positivity is just another myth that those who seem a part of a cult believe in. Those are just people who are being stupidly optimists. Real optimists are aware that sometimes things could go wrong, but try as much as they can to make the best out of it. In a world we live in, people tend to believe that happily ever-afters are real & prince charming exists. Instead of believing that and ending up crushed, you can be wise enough to know that there is nothing called “forever” and prince charming at the end of the day is also human and is capable of making mistakes.

Pessimists could go on for hours saying how they feel and counting endless emotions that are the reason behind their anger; yet they are very greedy in showing one of the most meaningful emotions which is “being grateful”.

It is never too late to be an optimist and to introduce that aspect to your life. This of course doesn’t happen overnight, you should be able to believe in yourself and the people around you. You should be able to have the power to be courageous, challenge yourself, and to commit to whatever outcome you get after the challenge.

Steps to a wise-optimistic mind:

1-  Mentally, draw a bubble

2-  Draw a small eye-peek hole for reality to shine in every once in a while

3-  Put you, and everyone you love in it

4-  Make sure the bubble is anti-burst

5-  Keep in mind that you have the power, and you can always let someone out of there without popping your bubble.

6-  Turn the curve on your face straight and smile

*Warning: make sure that the people from Negative Land are on the loose and will find a thousand ways to burst your bubble. Too bad they’ll be left disappointed as you already have connections with Reality Land!

From the land of Happy&BitsOfReality,

Sara AlMadani

*note: this piece has been published in the Escapade magazine volume 3 issue 2.

 

It has been a while since I've been inspired to blog about a certain topic that is worth discussing and writing about. Recently I've had a conversation with one of my close friends, we were talking about how men in the society consider the idea of remarrying once they hit their 40's. A lot of ideas popped in my head later that day. What triggers this thought in a man's head? Is it because he stops seeing her as a wife and starts seeing her as a mother to his children? Or is it because he starts taking everything she does for granted? Or it might also be about the idea that they both got too used to each other so they don't really put an effort in their relationship to make each other feel special like they used to?

Most married women I talked to about this topic of course would throw the blame on the man right away, saying things like "A man is never satisfied, he wants you as a mother to his children but he still wants a new eye candy every now and then." I personally don't think that this is true. I mean come to think of it, estimated from a random surveying around 40% of men in the UAE remarry after the age of 40, or for those who don't actually remarry end up cheating on their wives. I personally find it hard to believe that all those men are to blame, and that the woman doesn't have to do anything with it. 

The main idea that kept roaming around my head over and over again was "children". It's just normal, even if married couples deny it that once you step into the whole parenting world, it automatically happens that everything they say or do is remotely connected to "the kids". Newbie parents wouldn't mind going through this phase, and the magical moments captured before their eyes of their children growing; but what really might be the essence of this problem is that they sometimes might lose the balance and "children" is all they can actually discuss or have a conversation about. In time, the husband might forget what it was like to have a wife, what it was like for him to have a conversation with his wife discussing them instead of their kids. That's when he might be going to other people looking for that; looking for someone who could give them the attention he wants and talk about something they both like and they both have in common. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know, the idea of "She's the one who cares for me, she's the one who I could talk to" hits him. Taking for granted all the years him and his wife spent together, the effort she put in raising their kids. 

It's a funny characteristic in humans actually, the fact that they would replace something old for something new in a glimpse of eye. Not knowing that old is gold, and not knowing that all that glitters is not gold. 

The children grow up feeling like they were not good enough for their father, and that is why he left. Most people don't know that children usually blame themselves when their parents get divorced. They're too young to digest the idea that there might have been complications, misunderstandings, or so many other reasons that does not concern them. This idea lingers in their minds until they grow up and get psychologically messed up because of this matter. 

Personally speaking, I find it very selfish of married couples with kids to go ahead with a divorce without at least trying to fight in order to heal their marriage, fight everything that has been causing this, and everything that has triggered it in the first place. One thing I don't understand about this region is that Marriage Counselors, or marriage therapists are like an embarrassment. Some would actually go ahead and get a divorce if that's what it takes for them not to go to a counselor to try to heal their marriage. Forgetting that it's not only about them anymore, it's about those children who'll be raised with the idea of a broken home, having to choose between a father and a mother, a house that they can't call a home. 

Starting a family, is one of the most difficult things a person could go through whether it was for the husband or the wife. Children are the glue that holds a family together, but parents should also keep in mind that before turning into a father and a mother, they were once only husband and wife.