It has been a while since I've been inspired to blog about a certain topic that is worth discussing and writing about. Recently I've had a conversation with one of my close friends, we were talking about how men in the society consider the idea of remarrying once they hit their 40's. A lot of ideas popped in my head later that day. What triggers this thought in a man's head? Is it because he stops seeing her as a wife and starts seeing her as a mother to his children? Or is it because he starts taking everything she does for granted? Or it might also be about the idea that they both got too used to each other so they don't really put an effort in their relationship to make each other feel special like they used to?
Most married women I talked to about this topic of course would throw the blame on the man right away, saying things like "A man is never satisfied, he wants you as a mother to his children but he still wants a new eye candy every now and then." I personally don't think that this is true. I mean come to think of it, estimated from a random surveying around 40% of men in the UAE remarry after the age of 40, or for those who don't actually remarry end up cheating on their wives. I personally find it hard to believe that all those men are to blame, and that the woman doesn't have to do anything with it.
The main idea that kept roaming around my head over and over again was "children". It's just normal, even if married couples deny it that once you step into the whole parenting world, it automatically happens that everything they say or do is remotely connected to "the kids". Newbie parents wouldn't mind going through this phase, and the magical moments captured before their eyes of their children growing; but what really might be the essence of this problem is that they sometimes might lose the balance and "children" is all they can actually discuss or have a conversation about. In time, the husband might forget what it was like to have a wife, what it was like for him to have a conversation with his wife discussing them instead of their kids. That's when he might be going to other people looking for that; looking for someone who could give them the attention he wants and talk about something they both like and they both have in common. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know, the idea of "She's the one who cares for me, she's the one who I could talk to" hits him. Taking for granted all the years him and his wife spent together, the effort she put in raising their kids.
It's a funny characteristic in humans actually, the fact that they would replace something old for something new in a glimpse of eye. Not knowing that old is gold, and not knowing that all that glitters is not gold.
The children grow up feeling like they were not good enough for their father, and that is why he left. Most people don't know that children usually blame themselves when their parents get divorced. They're too young to digest the idea that there might have been complications, misunderstandings, or so many other reasons that does not concern them. This idea lingers in their minds until they grow up and get psychologically messed up because of this matter.
Personally speaking, I find it very selfish of married couples with kids to go ahead with a divorce without at least trying to fight in order to heal their marriage, fight everything that has been causing this, and everything that has triggered it in the first place. One thing I don't understand about this region is that Marriage Counselors, or marriage therapists are like an embarrassment. Some would actually go ahead and get a divorce if that's what it takes for them not to go to a counselor to try to heal their marriage. Forgetting that it's not only about them anymore, it's about those children who'll be raised with the idea of a broken home, having to choose between a father and a mother, a house that they can't call a home.
Starting a family, is one of the most difficult things a person could go through whether it was for the husband or the wife. Children are the glue that holds a family together, but parents should also keep in mind that before turning into a father and a mother, they were once only husband and wife.