SARA ALMADANI

Dear Reader, 

I hope this finds you well and in good health. (It has been a while since I've written something other than emails so I think this is a good start.)

We think a lot. So much is going on in our head. An average person has 35-48 thought in just 1 minute. Even writing this, I was wondering if I should write "1" alphabetically or numerically. Something that honestly is not worth thinking about. 

Why? I think we think a lot of stupid things to cover up most things that we are trying to block away; which basically causes more stress, confusion, and most importantly an unsettled mind. What I'm trying to do nowadays is live now, and not worry about anything else, which is probably the most difficult thing that I ever had to do. 

I am the kind of person who obsesses about the future (Trying to avoid all that once happened in the past) so basically; I am living in 3 worlds (again thought of writing it as three) "The Past", "The Present", & "The Future" oh... and everything in between - which is everything else that my mind makes up and most of the time even believes! So in my case, I am probably having 105 thoughts per minute since I am living all 3 worlds at the same time. 

What is this doing to me? Killing me slowly basically. I always hear people telling me "don't worry about tomorrow, when tomorrow comes; worry then!" - I've always thought "Idiots.. I have to be ready if something does happen!".... Today, I think I was proven that I was the idiot 

-Short boring story to prove the point coming up-

*Scenario in bullet points to make it more bearable:

• Had to pack everything to stay at my sister's house for a few days.
• Was worrying none stop about the commute and different streets I'm comfortable with in the morning/evening when I come and leave work. (To avoid traffic)
• Was worrying about my plans for this weekend. 
• Was worrying about my yoga sessions and how to reschedule them. 
• Was too lazy to pack my stuff. 
• Slept unsettled thinking of everything that to me at that point was so unpleasant. 
• Woke up to a text that plans are canceled, and I am staying home instead.
• Felt stupid for losing sleep worrying about something that did not happen. 
• Lost few good hours of what is now the past. 
• Losing few good minutes of my present writing this, so my future self could learn from. 

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that when people tell you not to worry; just don't... cause no one genuinely knows what will happen next, or if even there will be something worth worrying about in the next second. 

A tip that you probably know but I still feel the urge to share: Write things down, stop burdening your mind with to-do-lists! This helps me a lot at work/life/appointments and thoughts that I schedule to think of later. 

Writing this, hopefully that this is a lesson for me and to those of you who do think of a 100 things in a minute...

• Breathe
• Relax
• Take one step at a time (I actually wrote that alphabetically without giving it a second-thought!) Progress? I think so. 

Here you go: 

This post was inspired by a conversation with a friend, I decided to share this with you because by the end of the conversation... I sighed a sigh of relief. 

As humans, we tend to complicate things... not because we want to; just because it's human nature to do so. As humans we have this thing in us where we want to show ourselves that we are in control, that we "did this" "made this happen" "made a difference"; with all of that being said... we go out of our away -mentally- to complicate a simple issue in order to solve it (the difficult way). 

-Keeping in mind that this doesn't only apply to issues; it could be something as simple as a thought that crosses our minds and we decide to take it seriously and worry endlessly until we snap out of it and get over it.-

What I like to be reminded of every now and then is the following:

PEOPLE ADAPT TO THINGS, SCENARIOS, TO OTHER PEOPLE, TO ANYTHING BASICALLY.

Why is it capitalised and in bold? So that it sticks in your mind just like it did to mine. Yes, funny thing actually, humans were designed in a way where they can easily and simply adapt to changes, but what makes it difficult? Is how we view things. Let me give you an example on that and please note that the reason why I'm using this scenario as an example is because I want to speak about something that is this big, serious, and everyone can relate to. 

If you go to a person right now and ask them... would you ever imagine living in a world without one of your family members (God forbid)? The immediate response without even thinking for one second is NO! But let us take a while and look at all those who are living on this world who have suffered the loss of the closest people to them, their loved ones, people they never thought they could exist without... & guess what? They're doing it. Have you ever asked yourself how? I do all the time... and I've been there too. The beauty of being human is having a God who looks out for you, gives you strength when you least expect it. There is something that I always remind myself in difficult times... every time you go though something or face an issues, God gives you patience to be able to comprehend the pain, the loss, the inconvenience, and unfortunately the ache... & with that being said; you eventually learn to adapt. 

Humans adapt, because the world doesn't stop operating because you had a bad day, you lost a friend, you lost a job, your day didn't go as planned, your marriage isn't perfect, your house could be bigger, your life could be smoother.. No.. The world stops for no one, and changes for no one. Fate will find you, sometimes it's as you wanted to be all along... Sometimes it is the exact opposite; but how you decide to adapt to your fate is what makes your life a good one or a miserable one. 

So really, it's a gift to be able to adapt to things, and sometimes even to people... but it's a gift that most people don't know they have and eventually they find out about it... how? By getting over something dramatic, traumatising, huge... but still to be able to survive, to be able to hold their heads up high, and to exist. Mainly, they find out they have that gift by going through things in life, and seeing that the only way to go on is to accept what has happened, and to adapt.  

People adapt to things, to people, and to unfortunate situations.

I wrote it as a fact up there, and this conclusion was the reason behind my sigh of relief. 

Have a nice sigh. 

We usually believe that the pattern is as follows:

(Act: Something hurtful happens)

(Reaction: We feel hurt and become vulnerable)

When in reality there is something else that happens after the action and before the reaction, something that happens very fast that we don’t pay attention to until later when you have moved on from the situation. That thing is basically “A thought”.

How? Here is how the pattern really goes:

 (Act: Something hurtful happens)

---> Different "thoughts" haunting you at that point <---

(Reaction: We feel hurt & vulnerable)

You see how something that simple can change your entire view and approach towards a situation? What happens at that point is that the situation doesn’t make you feel horrible, and the situation does not hurt you… what really hurts you is your approach and the thoughts you get after the action has been taken. Let me break it up for you in an example to make it simpler:

You have a friend who has always been there for you, always told you how amazing you were, always told you how great you are – one day that friend no longer existed. This is where your brain starts functioning and tells you “wait, that person has always been there, has always cared, and always told me how amazing I am; they no longer think that, which means that I am not all those amazing things – I am worthless, I am not perfect, etc…” and the thoughts keep going and going and this phase in the pattern might not even take (10 seconds) but your mind is that powerful that it manages to convince you to question yourself, your self worth, your beauty, intelligence, and everything all at once with maybe an extra second to spare! – Right after that, you start feeling the hurt and pain; and that is the reaction to your thoughts.

Reality is that this person’s opinion matters cause it changed, and it comes a shock to you because it's something foreign to you and to your brain; which is only normal. They used to care and be concerned; they suddenly stopped. 

How do you change the pattern and avoid the excessive feeling of pain? Think of all the other people around you who think wonderfully of you, who think of you still as the amazing person that you are – those are the people who know your worth; why are you so invested in one person’s opinion? Why not think “I have friends, family, and people around me who think I’m amazing, and just one person thinks I’m not all that” instead of thinking “I don’t care what anyone else thinks, this person doesn’t think I’m all that.” Always use the mechanism of redirecting your thought when your thoughts start to control and question your self-worth.

I hope by now, you can understand how powerful you are, and how you are in control of how you feel, not only that but who makes you feel what. You give people the power to make you feel sad, happy, angry, upset, and the list of emotions goes on.

Which takes me back to the first line of this blog post, “Much of your pain is self-chosen.” There is not much more to say except that this is your answer to your prayer “I wish if this didn’t hurt this much” or “I wish I could make this feeling go away” because in reality, you do have the power, and you are capable of controlling your feelings, emotions, and people who try to mess around with them.

So, tell me now, how angry are you with yourself for all those times that you have allowed yourself to be hurt, when it was all you, yourself, and your thoughts? If you got anything out of what I said, the following sentence wouldn’t even trigger the slightest feeling of anger in you. That’s control. That’s where you want to be in life. If emotions had a goal, it would be this feeling of control.

Until later...

Do yourself a favor, and smile. 

I woke up today with this thought, why? because honestly nothing is more refreshing than the simplest gesture which is that curved line on your face. Here's what I noticed... a nice word, a smile, or a nice gesture takes you a long way. They say "A smile baffles the enemy further"; Take a minute and think of the energy you put in showing your competitors, your enemies, or someone who you probably can't tolerate for some reason that you are strong, happy, and have it all together... can you imagine how big of a favour you would do yourself if you focused all that energy on targeting the negativity within you rather than those people who you probably don't care about? If yes, then stop reading this, if not then carry on!

Here's the thing, we as humans mostly get wrapped up in things that don't matter, trying to impress people who don't matter. On the other hand, we wake up one day and we are filled with negativity, from the minute your body refuses to leave the bed although you slept early the night before, to the minute that your brain starts convincing you of how much you want a break from your horrible job and your oh-so-ever annoying routine. Have you ever wondered where this phase comes from? To make a long story short, this is what happens when negativity bottles up and demotivation strikes. Your problem is not with your job, not with you not sleeping enough, and certainly not with the idiot who on your way to work are wondering how he got his driving license. 

The problem my friend, is within you. Some people take a break from work and think that might fix it, and it will temporarily. Some people will call a friend and vent, again a temporary solution, and some would just continue with their misery. You see where is the error in the following options? All of the following actions are based on you depending on something, or someone, or a concept to make you feel better in that particular moment, and that is why it will remain temporarily and will continue to haunt you. What you need to do, is for you to invest in yourself, your soul, your being; how? Many ways that can help you develop yourself, think of how this negativity is reaching you? What's the cause of it? & try to fix it. This process will take a while, and nothing good or permanent comes easy... but then again, a tip that I want to give you that works wonders for me is to simply smile; but this time to yourself. 

Here is why:

• Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood
• Boosts your immune system
• Relieves stress
• It's easier to smile than to frown (Physically!) 
• It's a universal sign happiness (So how can your own self not recognise it?) 

So next time you're in that phase, don't rant... just take a deep breath and smile to yourself. Cut yourself some slack, give your soul some credit, cause even you... need your own appreciation and approval before anyone else's. 

So do yourself a favor, and smile. 

"Thinking of the present? ignoring the past? life is short? hmmm, how about friendship?" - This is me after I'm back from my class, 10:00 PM, staring at my laptop thinking of something to write about. On my way back home, I've spoken to my friend about many things that I'd want to blog about, but I can't, or maybe I can but I don't feel like I have the best information regarding every topic for it to be a decent post. 

Anyway, it seems that I've proceeded with 3 lines and I'm still writing this, so I think my brain really wants me to do this. I'll just write about my current surrounding and simple things that make me happy. 

A cold semi-dark room with cold bedsheets, scented candles surrounding me. A white door that makes me happy because well, it's white. It makes me think of everyday as a new "pure" clean page every time I turn the door knob to step outside to my new day. - My dressing table is something that I've always wanted, a classic bulbed mirror that I barely ever use cause well, turning on 20 bulbs at once kind of makes you see spots and affects your sight, but nonetheless, it's beautiful. By the mirror, I've randomly placed polaroid photographs of beautiful memories of myself and my loved ones; photographs that were taking randomly of sincere smiles rather than staged smiles for a change. Every part of my room has something of someone. The interior idea was given to me by my sister in law and brother, colors were all me, organisation was purely one of my best friends - which I decided to write this post so I wouldn't fall asleep as I wait for her until she lands safely (any minute now). So, incase you're wondering... there's no point really of this post, and no, I can't give back the time you spent reading this. I decided to end my day with the small things that make me happy and which I'm surrounded by everyday. Things that I was almost about to take for granted. 

But just so you don't feel that this is completely useless, here are some things to make you feel better:

- Music:  A classic version of "Umbrella": 

- Wisdom: An advice to students: When choosing a career, consider jobs where the idea of a vacation from it repulses you. 

- Humor: "Well", said the cop, "It's a murder"... He paused, picking up a Fugees album. "She was killed softly,.. and from the looks of it, by his song......".

- Smart: 

And if all this didn't work, and you still think this is the most useless post, kindly follow this link: http://eelslap.com - it shall make up for the waste of time. 

Cheers!

I’ve been wanting to write about the power of our decisions lately, but my power to decide to write a blog post wasn’t that strong. See what I did there? Something as simple as that is in your hands. Not mine, not anyone else’s.

Let me start by highlighting on our typical mornings – there are two scenarios to that.

Scenario #1: You wake up late after multiple snoozes to your alarm, look for your clothes, your shoes don’t match, you skip breakfast cause you’re late for a meeting, run out of the house without even smiling at the people passing by you, rush in the car, get stuck in a horrible traffic, miss the meeting anyway, and some idiot decides to cut into your lane, and poof! Just like that, your day started bad.

Scenario #2: You respond to your alarm because you set it up earlier than when you have to actually set it up cause you’re aware that you will be snoozing, wear your clothes, get ready, have a bite for breakfast, say good morning to the people around you, get into your car, grab a coffee before work because you have time to spare, and poof! Just like that, your day is running smooth. 

In both scenarios that end very differently, there is only one thing in common, the choice was yours. You wake up, and you choose to be happy, you choose for your day to go right, or wrong – rushed, or smooth, and good, or bad. The same is correct for any other matter; I’ve been running into many bitter people nowadays, they’re so unhappy that other people’s happiness makes them sad. How miserable does that sound to you? To the extent that they would criticise almost every person, not knowing that they themselves are full of flaws. I only have one thing to say to those people, if it’s someone dragging you down, then fly as far as you can from them, if it’s a situation that’s making you this bitter, then fix it – or stop letting it control your life! People around you will “not” stop living their lives happily and the way they want to just because you’re miserable.

There is one thing that’s so simple, yet it tends to slip people’s minds that I want to emphasise on “YOU-HAVE-THE-POWER” to change, to be happy, to become better, to end your misery, to say no, to say yes, to say “I don’t know”, to apologise, to be selfish, to be respectful, to do what’s expected from you. Stop blaming other aspects and factors of your life. Start taking responsibility for your actions and start taking matters to your own hands. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

See, my will power to want to write this blog finally came through. No one told me to do it, and no one told me not to do it. It was my choice to share this with you, and here I am doing it. 

Until later, decision makers... 

I have always been taught that when something bothers me, I shouldn’t be denying it; it’s either I state it out and try to fix it, or if that didn’t work… I learned to write about it.

This blog post would mostly be based on criticising myself, and it might be a first for me to post it for everyone to read, but maybe this way, I’m “committing” to fixing it. One trait that has been not working in my benefit for a while now, is that siren that goes off every now and then that I’d like to call “being defensive”. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as defensive as I am, and honestly I find it weird and contradicting; because one: I respect others' opinions, and two: I respect others.

I think it is safe to say that looking back in history, everyone at some point had to be defensive to survive, but is there something as being too defensive? The answer is yes!

I think someway, somehow… I believe that strength means coming on top and winning the fight, but in fact it’s such a foolish thing to think because real strength means having the courage to put the sword down and to be strong enough to be undefended. This siren that goes off every now and then completely falls under that familiar term called “emotions” ukh… so emotions, either drives you to something or completely far away from it… there is no middle ground.

If you’re as curious as me in wondering why I’m so defensive, it might be one of the two… either I believe in something so much and once someone says something different and I realise they don’t share the same beliefs... it irritates me so much that I have to prove my point, or as simple as when a person is stressed and is overweighed with all emotions that follow stress: anger, sadness, furiousness, and so much more.

What I try to teach myself after every scenario is the following:

“Only a fool thinks that everyone should think the same way they do”

“Are you calling me a fool??!?!?!?!”

 “No, relax….. I was just saying…..”

-conversation in my head-

 Oh well, I hope I’m getting there… 

*This blog post is my humble way of thanking my 3 best friends who keep up with it. - No one is as patient as you 3 angels are. 

I haven't been writing lately, but that's only because I'm one of those people who find passion in writing when they're angry, not satisfied, or upset. So I guess this is my way of saying that things have been good lately, and I thank Allah for that. Since I was a teenager, I've always looked up to the those people who have always told me that they write their blessings on a piece of paper before going to sleep everyday; I might not be as committed as those people are, but here are some of the things that I'm thankful for: 

1- Friends who are family, and family who are friends.

2- The temperature going from 30-something Celsius to 29C. 

3- A place that I call home.

4- To be able to communicate respectfully.

5- Having a reason to live for tomorrow.

6- Staying in contact with people I haven't seen in years.

7- Accepting myself and my loved ones for who they are.

8- Being able to be there for the people I love.

9- My brain.

10- My strength.

11- My ability to realise things.

12- Good food.

13- Dubai.

14- To be able to complete my postgraduate studies. 

15- Diminishing my cold symptoms (yay!).

16- My faith.

17- Inner peace.

18- My past. 

19- My present.

20- My future. 

It felt good to jot down the multiple blessings I'm surrounded by and  yet to be surrounded by, so no... I won't be nagging or whining about anything in this blogpost. I'd advise you to do the same before going to bed, take a minute and count some of the things you're thankful for; I guarantee you it would make you feel better instantly. 

21- To be able to put my feelings into words. 

I asked my father a couple of days ago what he does when he's feeling down, he smiled at me and said "It's a very good question, but my answer will not always be the best for you cause each person has his own way in dealing with things. What I first do is preform ablution and pray, if that didn't work I try to hang out with people who aren't the cause of my stress, if that didn't work I write until I feel better." 

Here I am going by his advise one after the other trying to release the stress I am feeling, and here goes nothing. 

Ramadan Mubarak!

Have you ever stopped and wondered whether you actually have a belief about something or not? No, you don’t have a belief about something just by saying you do. Beliefs fall in our subconscious mind and are very tricky to figure out. I attended a seminar this week that was an eye-opener to me personally. My idea about beliefs has changed tremendously. I’m not going to bore you with theories, but I’d rather give you examples in our everyday life that we strongly believe in when in fact, is just a “belief” we have and not necessarily a fact.

Beliefs are based on experiences or verbal knowledge we get from people we are surrounded by, it is what has been programmed in our minds for so long. How do you think you personality has been formed? By the people around you, things you learn, and the experiences you go through. One big factor of your personality is your belief.

An example on how humans are programmed is the following idea that we live by everyday and we strongly believe in. Let us say that you have got out of the shower and you didn’t dry your hair, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? “I’ll catch a cold!” when in fact, that is not true. It has been proven scientifically that water on hair has nothing to do with catching a cold, so in fact it is a old wives’ tale! How did we get that idea? Look back at your childhood, when you’d walk out of the shower, what is the first thing that your mother would yell about? “You have wet hair! You’ll catch a cold!” This has been programmed in our minds and it has become a belief that this in fact will happen to us! 

Another example If I ask anyone now “What happens to your health as you grow older?” the answer I’d get back from people right away is “Goes down the drain” and that was my answer in the seminar to the speaker. Why was that my answer? Because growing up, everything around me has been implementing the fact that these 2 ideas are best together “Getting old – getting weak”.

How do we start changing beliefs? Obviously it is not as easy as reading a book or whatsoever. A belief is like a tree that you have to nourish and keep watering as you go, especially if it’s a new belief you’re trying to plant in your mind. You take out garbage in your house once a day or in most cases 3 to 4 times a day. Have you ever thought what happens to the garbage in our brain? The ideas and thoughts we should get rid of? If you’re thinking sleeping then that’s not throwing anything or refreshing anything. One way to do so is to change the interpretation of a certain event that happened to you in the past that you’re basing your belief on. How? Instead of thinking something happened to you because of this reason, look around that reason and try to break the bad experience to something good. Events do change a lot! An example on that is when you’re dealing with a client or any other person for that matter and that person start yelling at you, what do you do? I assure you, you wouldn’t stare and smile. But let us change around the event for a while to a sick person who just got out of an operation yelling at you… What do you do? You empathize. They’re both yelling, they’re both doing the same thing… why are we more understanding of one over the other? Because events differ, and we choose to make an exception for one over the other.

It is amazing how our belief has a tremendous effect on us physically. Why are cancer patients always advised to be happy? Watch comedy shows? Because that’s what changes the behavior of their body. If you’re serious about changing certain beliefs, there are things that you should abide with. Your brain doesn’t understand certain words: “Try” “Do Not”. Should we give it a go? Let us say that I’m asking you to “try to stand” what’s try to stand really? You’re probably trying to figure out the act? When you first try to be in between, you’re still sitting, and when you’re almost up, you’re standing. There’s no such thing as “try”. Okay, how about if I tell you right now “Don’t think of a yellow banana” What are you thinking of now? A yellow banana! This is how it works.

We usually tend to blame others and rarely do we own up to our mistakes. If I’m working in a corporation, and I’m trying to get my job done… but my job will get done if I get a response from the other department. What do I do? Start blaming the other department for not getting a response back? While in fact, I should be blaming myself because it is my fault for not being able to influence the other department in getting the job done. The same things happen with kids nowadays, if they run carelessly, bang their heads they’ll start crying and the parent would hit the table in hope that now even the table is crying and would say “Bad table!” This is how we are programmed to not own up to our mistake. It wasn’t the table’s fault… It’s the child’s fault for not paying attention… we grow up thinking that everything that happens to us is everyone else’s fault, just not ours.

So start by changing beliefs, believing that you can change, and abide by the change.