I have always been taught that when something
bothers me, I shouldn’t be denying it; it’s either I state it out and try to
fix it, or if that didn’t work… I learned to write about it.
This blog post would mostly be based on criticising
myself, and it might be a first for me to post it for everyone to read, but
maybe this way, I’m “committing” to fixing it. One trait that has been not
working in my benefit for a while now, is that siren that goes off every now and
then that I’d like to call “being defensive”. I don’t think I’ve ever met
someone as defensive as I am, and honestly I find it weird and contradicting;
because one: I respect others' opinions, and two: I respect others.
I think it is safe to say that looking back in
history, everyone at some point had to be defensive to survive, but is there
something as being too defensive? The answer is yes!
I think someway, somehow… I believe that strength means coming on top and winning the fight, but in fact it’s such a foolish thing to think because real strength means having the courage to put the sword down and to be strong enough to be undefended. This siren that goes off every now and then completely falls under that familiar term called “emotions” ukh… so emotions, either drives you to something or completely far away from it… there is no middle ground.
If you’re as curious as me in wondering why I’m so defensive, it might be one of the two… either I believe in something so much and once someone says something different and I realise they don’t share the same beliefs... it irritates me so much that I have to prove my point, or as simple as when a person is stressed and is overweighed with all emotions that follow stress: anger, sadness, furiousness, and so much more.
What I try to teach myself after every scenario is the following:
“Only a fool thinks that everyone should think the same way they do”
“Are you calling me a fool??!?!?!?!”
“No, relax….. I was just saying…..”
-conversation in my head-
Oh well, I hope I’m getting there…
*This blog post is my humble way of thanking my 3 best friends who keep up with it. - No one is as patient as you 3 angels are.