Newsflash: It’s not because you want to, it’s not because it makes you happy, and it’s not because “it feels right”. Long story cut short, the only reason you’re settling is to make others happy… or, in other words… to shut people up and to shift the judgment on someone else rather than it being on you.
There are 4 main reasons why people settle for less than what they actually deserve:
1- Low Self Esteem: People most of the time think that they should settle for less because they are not worth more than that, or because they won’t be able to succeed in something better. The sad truth is that we are all a bunch of lazy people who wouldn’t want to put some extra effort in ourselves. If you’re eyeing a position and you’re too scared to get it, stop blaming it on your “low self esteem” and start working on your skills. As simple as that.
2- Comfort: One of the very most dangerous trait and a one that is very difficult to overcome is comfort. We are always too scared to leave our comfort zone, as long as everything is familiar, and we have found a way to adapt to the situation then it’s good. Well, it’s not good if it’s making you miserable and you’re in complete denial about it. A way to get myself out of this is to think of comfort as a silent killer. I’m not saying that you should be worried when you’re comfortable, I’m just saying that you should be worried when you’re comfortable and unhappy. That’s when it causes damage on the long run.
3- Beliefs: As you grow up, there are certain beliefs that are implanted in your mind. Whether it was by the experiences you faced or the people you met who have changed the way you think. Sometimes, in order for us to see that we deserve better, we have to let go of the certainty that our ego refuses to detach from. For once, it’s okay to not be certain, it’s okay to make a mistake, and it’s okay cause you’ll realize that along the way… you’re starting to replace your “meh beliefs” with “happy beliefs”.
4- Fear: I decided to keep the base and the root to settling for the very end. What are you scared of? Failure? Judgments? What people might say? Yes. All of the following mentioned points are valid. Sadly, most of us would rush to our fate; do whatever it takes to not be judged by others. For fingers not to be pointed and for us to be in the safe zone away from what people “might” say. Where does that leave you? Miserable. Why? Because you’re throwing away every belief you have to satisfy those around you. What we don’t think of is that those people will always have something to criticize, to judge, and to mock. It might be you today, you keep them quiet by the act of settling, they go around to someone else, another opportunity arises on your account, and there they are again pressuring you by what they might think.
“People are like rubber bands, they are mostly effective when they are stretched” - John C. Maxwell.
So stretch away, shape yourself in different shapes and forms until you realize that this is the shape that suits you the most and not what shapes the moods of the people around you.